This fairy tales writ for the likes of you It’s a one for the masses not just for the few And we’ve all heard tales of the prodigal Prince So charmed by some common girls flowering quince

And now my esteemed and assembled guests

It’s time i divulge my odd bequest

It seems that the mantle has fallen to me,

to proffer a lesson in herstory.

I welcome all you strangers here, And bid you all to lend an ear, For I have a story to unfold, That will leave your very bosoms cold.

Ladies and Gents! My most esteemed Peers! Duchesses, Arch deacons,Bohemians and Queers! Whether debutante, dilettante, nun, monk or squire, Whether princess or pauper or body for hire. To all persons present, who dwell under heaven, You! Marquesses of Mayfair and Fishwives of Devon! I have gathered you here to act as my witness To a most gruesome and murky business.

So please accept my grave regret, On behalf of this degenerate, For ne'er was there a creature more prurient, Than this panda bear from farthest orient.

Each new dawn brings a fairytale Grimm, being this manboys most profligate limb. Most of you would claim insanity!, if you were shackled to this mannatee.

I’m afraid this wasn’t written with you in mind, This is a poem of a different kind, A vulgar sort of Christmas fable, Sans donkey, sans manger and sans stable.

Oh Tanmay! You Brute! My eyes do ablute To think of you now, Tupping some old ugly sow, When from you one kiss Was inexorable bliss! 'Oh Crumbs! Oh Lumme! Oh Wow! But there’s a chink in his armour, This stud mango farmer. His plentiful willy, made him prideful and silly.